In a Bhakti yoga class recently, the yoga teacher asked the class to do something that took me by surprise. I shifted a bit uneasily at his unusual request. Actually, I think I winced. The teacher wanted us to find and communicate with a stranger in the room.
My desire to sink into savoring internal experiences is not surprising as I lead with an Enneagram Type Two energy. We Enneagram Twos (Considerate Helpers) refuel, replenish and release when going to an internal, creative feeling space. That aligns with an Enneagram Type Four (Intense Creative) energy. For me, yoga feeds that. It’s a release and healer. As is gardening (I’m a former Landscape Designer).
I was not wanting to communicate, relate or be social. And, by the way, my dominant instinct is Social, aka Navigating. Tip - Being Social Dominant as an Instinctual Drive does not mean the desire is to always be social. I’d just come off an intense week and I just wanted to restore my energy and stretch my body. I wanted to release and renew.
The yoga communication experience gave me some new insights on my instincts and my communication patterns on the heels of my previous week’s intensive Enneagram retreat experience. That was good.
Communication happens in many ways. One study breaks down communication into three categories: Nonverbal (facial, posture, eye contact) (55%), Vocalization (tone) (38%), and Content (words) (7%).
I believe communication has a fourth category, Energy. Perhaps the Nonverbal Category could be expanded to include Energy too. Communication is about exchanging information. Sending or receiving information. That’s energy exchange. So is using your two ears and one mouth for active listening.
Communication happens consciously and unconsciously, including …
In Emotional, body and mental expressions
In Transmitting, navigating and preserving energy
In Nonverbal, Vocalization, Content and Energy
What shows up for you when….
Expressing yourself? Do you first feel (emotional), act (body) or think (mental)?
Communicating, relating, living? Do you Transmit, Navigate or Preserve?
The Enneagram Systems can be an empowering Communications tool and map. Here are some tips for communicating and relating with different Enneagram energies and types. Being self-aware and other-aware helps with navigating choices, communications, and relationships. Just do the best you can, no judgments.
Some tips for written or email communications for the 9 Types… (compliments of The Enneagram in Business):
Type One: Use words that suggest flexibility and receptivity rather than tight thinking. Experiment with language that encourages others’ views & input.
Type Two: Focus on yourself as much as the other person. Eliminate flattering, or when angry, harsh words. Use fewer superlatives. Like ‘great’.
Type Three: Refer less often to your own actions, achievements, or to your self. Neither inflate or underestimate the importance of your actions. Use language that invites a response.
Type Four: Reduce the number of self-referencing words (I, me, mine, my self). Use more objective, less personalized language. Focus the email more on others, than self.
Type Five: Make short emails more elaborate. Make long ones more concise. Include feelings as well as thoughts. Be explicit if you want something from the email recipient.
Type Six: When distressed, make sure to still communicate warmth. Send only one email until you hear back from the recipient. Reduce the number of words conveying fear, anxiety and worry.
Type Seven: Elaborate on feelings and concerns. Use complete sentences and proper punctuation. Focus on the recipient as well as on your self.
Type Eight: Make sentences less commanding by varying the sentence structure and using less directive language. Specifically, invite a response. Be more personal and less formal.
Type Nine: Reduce the number of affirmations. Make your position and ideas clear and explicit.
Holidays can be stressful. Better communication, with intention, creates clarity and healthier relationships.
For more intentional communications, a useful process is using COIN: Common Ground, Observe, Investigate, Next Steps. (compliments of ExecutiveEnneagram.com). More on COIN and communications coming in my next blog post.
Be Well, Susan
